Are you planning to head off to Istanbul for a friend’s wedding, or maybe you are planning a Turkish wedding of your own? I live in Berlin, which has a large Turkish population. When I hear a lot of honking and yelling outside my apartment window, it’s usually a Turkish wedding parade. Looking out, I see a long line of freshly cleaned cars driving down the street, decorated with flowers and flying banners. This is just one example of what Turkish wedding traditions are all about.
1. Asking For the Bride’s Hand
Many families in Turkey still follow the long observed tradition of asking the bride’s family for her hand in marriage. Known as the “Kız isteme,” the groom, accompanied by his parents, will take chocolates and flowers to the house of the bride. When asking for her hand, the eldest male of the groom’s family will declare that it is the will of Allah that they receive the hand of their daughter in marriage. The family will have time to make their decision before the next stop is made – the promise ceremony.
2. Söz Kesmek – The Vow Ceremony
After the family of the bride agrees to hand her over in marriage, the next step is Söz Kesmek, or the exchanging of vows. This can sometimes be done on the same day as the groom’s family comes for the hand of the bride. Söz is the Turkish word for promise. Engagement rings, tied together by a red ribbon, are presented to the couple. After cutting the ribbon, the couple exchange rings and everybody cheers in anticipation of the wedding.
3. Coffee with Salt and Pepper
Coffee is arguably one of the most iconic parts of Turkish culture, but in this particular ceremony it’s used as a prank. The bride makes coffee for the guests, but she puts salt and pepper in the groom’s cup. Depending on how she’s feeling that day, or how mischievous she is, it can be pretty strong. If the groom can drink his cup without showing obvious signs of displeasure or coughing up, it’s considered a good sign though it can be pretty funny if he causes a scene.
4. The Pre-Wedding Celebration
The Henna Night or Kına Gecesi is basically a bachelorette party that takes place on the night before the wedding. In this tradition, the bride’s hand is covered with henna designs, which is meant to wield off evil spirits. An elderly family member will also place a gold coin in the bride’s hand as a blessing for prosperity. The family will also sing sad ballads to the bride to make her cry and work through her difficult feelings. After this, the evening takes on a more joyful tune with lots of happy singing and dancing.
5. Engagement Gifts
Engagement gifts, or Nişan Bohçası, are exchanged in this classic Turkish custom. It’s a chance for wedding guests to show appreciation for the couple. Traditionally all the gifts were wrapped in a large scarf and presented to the bride and groom.
6. Wedding Attire
One of the most frequently asked questions is “What should I wear to a Turkish wedding?” As a guest, its expected to come finely dressed to a Turkish wedding. For women this can include high-heeled shoes, a long dress, and jewelry. For men, a beard trim and tidy haircut, combined with a nice suit and dress shoes are a great way to sharpen up for the big day. The groom will often wear an expensive tuxedo, while the bride traditionally wears a red ribbon tied in her hair or around her waist to symbolize luck, purity and wealth.
If your shoes aren’t the most comfortable, or aren’t the best dancing shoes, have a second pair on hand for when it’s time to hit the dance floor.
8. Wedding Reception Customs
After the ceremony the couple will take to the floor for the first dance. Afterwards they will go around to the guests who will either hand them gifts or pin money to the bride’s red ribbon.
Another interesting custom in Turkish wedding traditions is where the bride will write all the names of the single women in attendance on the bottom of her shoe. Supposedly, the first name to be worn off is the next bride-to-be.
9. Turkish Wedding Food
Similar to many other Eastern cultures, two large feasts will be held during the wedding week; held separately by the families of the bride and the groom. The customary dish served is a wheat barley and chicken stew called keşkek.
A fancy wedding cake is also to be expected. The first piece is shared by the couple and then the rest of the cake is served to the guests.
10. Wedding Car Parade
After the ceremony the couple drives to their new home in a car decorated with flowers and ribbons. As the cavalcade of honking vehicles drives down the street, kids will run alongside and try to block the couples car until they have received money. The honking is supposed to keep away evil spirits, and adds an extra element of celebration and excitement to the wedding.
Officiate a Turkish Wedding Ceremony
One more thing before you go! If you want to officiate a Turkish wedding ceremony for one of your friends or family, get ordained online for free! You can get ordained with a number of online organizations by just filling out a simple form that only takes a couple minutes to complete. We highly suggest getting ordained with American Marriage Ministries. Once ordained, you’ll have access to a library of information to help you learn all the aspects of wedding from writing your As an ordained minister you’ll be able to help the couple choose Turkish wedding traditions that will make the ceremony interesting, fun and memorable.
– Bernard Paul